The ugly truth.

"No good deed goes unpunished"

Credits given to the one who taught me this idiom few days ago. I however started dwelling on this ugly truth about life a while before that. In fact, a series of startling events brought about by friends, relatives and others have been increasing my awareness and disappointment about how people treat those who are whole-heartedly kind to them. At first, not wanting to doubt anyone's sincerity, I was trying to put myself in their shoes, providing excuses for them and be understanding no matter how agitated I'd felt towards their certain behaviors. Then as it went on and on, I realized that all the while I'd been standing there, taking all the bullshit and still providing assistance with a smile as if I'd been paid to do it. Speaking of money, I think I even lost financially, but never mind about that.

I used to tell myself it was because some people don't have a decent set of values like I do that they didn't behave as properly as I'd expected (yes, I'm profoundly proud of my value system - you have a problem with it?). Then incident after incident accumulated and built up a thick layer of annoyance under my skin which seriously challenged my generous level of tolerance. Yet I kept hoping that with the genuine kindness I gave, they'd realize their mistakes somehow. But hell no, people take the good stuff that is always there for them for granted, milk the best out of it until there's nothing else they're interested in, wipe their hands and move their ungrateful butts to the next draining spot. To think of how I try to overlook people's mistakes (which I never forget by the way) and salvage the amicable relationships with them, would you feel like a total idiot if you were me?

Lies and pretentiousness - all are to achieve what they want, including using others' soft-heartedness and kindness as their stepping stones. Sighs. What else can I say besides the old and cliché C'est la vie? And the best thing is that I can't even talk with anyone - not because none are willing to listen. You know there are certain issues you just can't or don't feel like sharing, and the only person you'd like to discuss the matter with doesn't really reach out for you emotionally - probably, sadly. Still, I neither want to be too cynical nor lose my kaleidoscope perspective on life. So I'm gonna take a deep breath and disappear to a random place to ease the storm on my mind for now

... though I already foresee that soon before long 

I'll be all soft-hearted and taken for granted again.

Oh life, I love you, too.

Xoxo ♥