Withdrawal.

Do you remember how it was like during those days when you were young, naïve and knew little or nothing about life? I bet at some points we all had some bad habits (e.g. onychophagia) or were tempted to get those things that kids always yearned for, be it candies, soft drinks, toys, cartoons or simply love and attention. Too bad, parents always banned us from certain habits and kept us from making too much contact with certain things, all of which they deemed unhealthy or dangerous for ourselves in the short run or long run. It wasn't easy at all to fight against those habits and temptations you were so into and used to, was it? Well, we might have struggled, wanted to rebel and even held silly resentment, but being the petite powerless parties, we had no choice but to oblige, at least in the parents' presence.

As we grow up, make mistakes and learn so much more about people, our sense of ethics develops, matures and then again is subjected to continuous influences and alterations as life goes on. Thinking back, many of us might have realized that some of the forced "withdrawals" we had to go through during childhood weren't that evil after all. Some did us good, some did us nothing, and of course a few shouldn't have happened. Whichever way it turned out to be, we learned a valuable life lesson - we can't always get what we want - and better still, the then-decision-makers are solely responsible for the impacts.

Wouldn't it be great if someone were there to suggest an adult the high road to take and then bear all the blame when things went sour, too? It is childish, yes, but I secretly wish so sometimes, especially when I'm stuck in a sticky situation (dirty minds: please stay focused on the topic), tempted to try out or continue with something but held back by my own set of rights and wrongs. For the countless of times I've been faced with moral dilemmas, breaking free from the rules, pushing the limits and "seeing how it goes" has been the number one option because I'd rather try and experience than wonder how it could have been for the rest of my life. Furthermore, voluntary "withdrawals" require a whopping great deal of determination and responsibility, so there's a lot of weighing to be done before making the move, agree?

Those who tend to stay on the safer side would perhaps label me as an impulsive, crazy or stupid human for such a way of thinking - and they're neither right nor wrong. Either way, I'd like to call that part of my personality "spontaneous" or "open to possibilities", and feel no shame or regrets about it (thus far) because I'm confident that I know when to press the red hot stop button - limits can be pushed but boundaries are unmovable, so to speak. However, since I've been hurt for taking the risk before, I do get weak from time to time and this is when the child within wishes for a non-existent party to provide guidance in advance and forcefully make me stick with it. Well, for an above-eighteen-freedom-lover, that's of course just a temporary short-lived wish. No worries, the damsel-in-distress takes pride in her ability to rescue herself, quickly. :)

Anyway, enough of ranting for the day. Today has been one of those days when I feel like doing whatever I feel like, taking things not so serious and indulging myself a little while still focusing on what I really want and need. Isn't life supposed to be enjoyed after all? I'm letting myself go with the flow and you should, too.

By the way, for non-facebook users, especially MDIS fellows:

I've already got my ticket. Hope to see you there, mi amigo.

Then I woke up, and looked outside the window for a sunrise
Rain is falling, a gloomy kind of day it doesn't feel so right
But she yawns next to me

It's love that I see

I do believe this life is a dream

Xoxo ♥