Alpha-female.

Random stuff - new mv released for the sad ballad 'Blue Tomorrow' by Super Junior M. I'm not a Chinese speaker and don't know how correct their pronunciation is. But who cares? Love the song and the acting of all members (especially my favorite, Han Geng/ Hankyung). Having been in and out of love for a couple of times, I've never fell for anyone so deeply that it became too emotional to handle after the breakup. Except for him, I believe. Can't even imagine how I'd live if we ever parted. Nah, forget it. Don't think too much then waste imaginary tears, silly me. Anyway, enjoy and let me know if you like it.

Next random thing on the list - a photo taken quite a while ago with long hair. Do I look better then or now, with short hair? Like seriously. I like the convenience of having short hair and the impression portrayed by it - a little bit more dynamic and naughty, perhaps. And I hope my hair won't make any of you love me less, ok? I'm always adorable... (Self-pawned!)

Done with randomness. I'm gonna start ranting on the topic of alpha-female, which is broadly defined as a strong and dominant girl/ lady in the sense of physically or mentally or both. As people usually perceive, she can be sexy or bitchy or professional (smart & educated) or muscular or combination of a few, but she must be confident and independent. Among all these, the alpha-female image I admire, and probably go for, would be a positive one with:

- Confidence and independence. Of course, not to the extent of dominating the man of her life though.
- Optimism and ambitiousness.
- Intelligence and wittiness that include a touch of sarcasm & bitchiness.
- Willingness and ability to carry out certain masculine tasks.

- A wardrobe with clothes and accessories that truly flatter her body.

- Unique sense of fashion to combine the above and set the styles.

- A clique of genuine friends in the first place.

- Some other factors adding on to her charm (that I haven't thought of).

Blame it on the family background or whatsoever, for 19 years of growing up, I've been sticking with this specific aspect of alpha-female concept. I've been taught to stay emotionally strong - I do cry but don't let shitty things turn my world upside-down. I've been constantly forced and triggered to perform better than the peers. I've been trained to adapt with some very pathetic situations and not to be afraid of things (like insects, height or darkness). Talking about insects, I can never ever get rid of the fear of spiders - big and hairy ones I mean - after my (weird) mom has even tried holding one near my face and almost got me fainted. Back to our topic, I've also been told hundreds thousands of times about how to be a fully independent woman with proper education and my own mindset, as well as how to carry myself appropriately in front of people, manner and fashion-wise. Proactively throughout the length of my schooling life, I've learned to get along with people and delicately pick a clique of friends that support me the most, for each form of environment.

Thanks to all those. Up to now, I've gained a certain amount of each factor listed. However, to achieve that certain amount, there have been unhappy times when I was being too much of an alpha-female. Specifically, too much pride, or should I say arrogance? A few years of being misunderstood and disliked. A spoiled relationship. Countless arguments initiated or dragged by the stubbornness to save my face. And so forth. Hell yeah. But hey, we're all growing up and furnishing our personalities, aren't we? It's indeed natural to make mistakes then learn from them, unless you're talking about those who forever don't know what is right to correct themselves. There is still lots of room for improvement - this semi-alpha girl is now humble enough to realize and accept significant changes for the better.

Few years down the road, I'll start my career then officially become someone's wife (hopefully). By then, I will have myself completed in a way that harmony will be achieved on the inside and outside of my home's door. Too much of something is never good, you know it well. At the end of the day, what matters to me is not feeling powerful over others - other females. Happiness does. And I strongly believe in this era, a man will need a companion who is alpha enough to take care of herself, to support him and others, but beta enough to still depend on and be led by him through the journey of life. Agree, not? Well, just a piece of self-orientation that I wish to share.

Lastly, do you feel like asking the reason why this whole thing was born? Even if you don't, I'll still answer (lol). It was after I'd watched this series called Girl on Girl online. Basically, it was a competition among 6 good-looking girls in the battle of testosterone-charged challenges for a huge amount of money, sounds good? Being a spoiler, I'd say the winner annoyed me to the max with the way she carried herself (epic fail), another one actually got on my nerve because of her princess-syndrome, then followed by one with overly bitchy attitude, and lastly one that tried too hard to be 'manly' when she obviously doesn't have what it takes. On the other hand, I like this girl called Kaykay for her coolness, so girl yet so man, and especially prefer Patricia with her perfect attitude for the competition (except for the little fact that she couldn't take cockroaches). Overall, there're a lot to expect and judge from, so watch it yourself if you have time and try linking what you observe with whatever I typed today if you have even more time.

My appreciation if you've read in details until here. It's now bedtime for me as a bunch of tasks are queuing ahead - exam preparation, yeah. Stay tune for more randomness. Cheers!