In the rainy-breezy weather, July is sluggishly packing up and leaving these melancholy souls behind. This tiny little red dot suddenly seems so big when people are physically close yet their minds are like clouds in the sky, floating at the same pace and keeping the same distance from one another. The three months ahead suddenly seem so short for a going-to-be fresh graduate who's touching an essential hinge of life and opening that heavy door which leads to a promising future, yet striving to live every remaining second of her bittersweet student life to the fullest. So many plans to make. So many things to do. As a certain result, so many conflicts.
She knows, she knows she has to prioritize and work things out one by one, and she is capable of doing it smoothly. It's just that, blame it on human nature, or her nature, she doesn't wanna ignore that playful, spontaneous, fun-loving part that's been the life buoy saving her from herself in the deepest desperation. There must always be a balance - that's the rule she can't afford to break, or she can't break, to be precise. You can find her being mad serious or philosophical on one night then talking like a bubbly child the following morning. She can find herself staying up until 5 am typing resumes and reading journals then getting sore throat after endless gossips and "catching up" conversations within the next two days. Though you - most probably - know better examples of a weirdo, she's still one of those strange tiny creatures on Earth. On one hand, her strangeness constantly colors her life in various ways, giving it tastes, smells, melodies and lyrics, a whole dreamy world which most adults seem to miss out or choose to neglect nowadays - not fun. On the other hand, that unpredictable kaleidoscope is not quite an advantage when it comes to serious business where grown-ups are supposed to keep their feet on the ground, thinking and speaking solid facts. And since the serious business of now will decide which path to take after that door, there's gotta be a solution to lure the child within away and get the business done by the mature young lady.
Comes to think of it, the child is not that difficult to please. She's happy when snuggling with the sweetheart and feeling the protection, the warmth, the love running through her tiny little capillaries. She's happy when doing those funny silly things that kids always do, or those she always wished to do as a kid, then giggling giggling giggly. She's happy when being embraced by friendships that always smell like fresh strawberries despite time and distance. She's happy when noticing a random toddler staring at her on the train, then smiling sweetly at him just to see him smiling awkwardly in return. She's happy when saying the most genuine words to people who surely need them. And many more. See, it's easy to give the child a sufficient dose of satisfaction accumulated from the littlest details in everyday life. Only then would she not interfere and leave the mature young lady with her serious business.
And I'm aware that the task to keep the child happy gotta start with me. It's illogical to count too much on people who truly care only to solve the internal conflicts that I know best. Alright, having a clearer view of the mechanism, I'm gonna keep the train on the right track from tomorrow onwards. No, I don't guarantee zero fluctuations or off-timing disturbances - in fact, I might hate this whole entry the moment I wake up later. But I'll invest effort to be a decent babysitter for half of myself at least, so that the other half can so-called concentrate in her work, ideally worry-free. I promise.
A soothing song for the peace of mind and departing July.
And with By My Side by David Choi, Goodnight Vorld. ♥
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