Night.

Night. I was just staring blankly at the screen and listening to the *tik tak* sounds from the clock before I decided to type out my feelings here. Yeah, it sounds like a good way of releasing huh?

Well, it's just that I feel so down these days and really don't know what the hell is wrong with myself. Everyone seems to turn their back on me.

I don't find any really close friend with whom I can spend hours sharing my stuff. And I don't even think of looking for a boyfriend at the moment. Yeah, I'm single but unavailable.

On the outside, people may still find me open up and cheerful 24/7. But deep inside, I can somehow sense the coldness that's freezing my heart every single moment. I don't want anyone to be worried about me, and even if I ever wanted, I wonder who could be the one who cared? So I just continue with my kiddo and happy role on the life stage which is the only solution not disturbing the others' life, isn't it?

I feel damn empty and lonely.
I shut myself up.
I torture myself.
I get stuck and don't know how to escape.

"It was raining heavily. I was standing there, on the sidewalk, with no umbrellas above my head. Everybody was walking in such a hurry and totally ignored me. I wanted to join in a group of lovely friends. I wanted to grab someone's hand and to be protected all the way. I wanted to be a part of the life stream so much... I wanted... But I was totally numb. I couldn't move. And I was isolated from the rest. If only I could have screamed out, asking for help, or just attracting anyone's attention. If only someone could have seen the tears dropping off my eyes and melting in the rain. If only...

Rain. Wet. Cold. Deeply cold."

Tomorrow things are gonna be fine. The sun will be shining brightly in the sky again.
I know.
I believe.
I live and love.