I will survive.

Hush hush (I will survive) - The Pussycat Dolls

I never needed you to be strong

I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs

I never needed pain

I never needed strength

My love for you was strong enough you should have known

I never needed you for judgments

I never needed you to question what I spent

I never asked for help

I take care of myself

I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations

There isn't anything for you to say

And my eyes hurt, hands shiver

So look at me and listen to me

Because...

I don't want to stay another minute

I don't want you to say single word

Hush hush, hush hush

There is no other way

I get the final say

Because...

I don't want to do this longer

I don't want you, there's nothing left to say

Hush hush, hush hush

I've already spoken

Our love is broken

Baby, hush hush

I've never needed your corrections

On everything from how I act to what I say

I never needed words

I never needed hurt

I never needed you to be there everyday

I'm sorry for the way I let go

From everything I wanted when you came along

But I am never beaten,

Broken not defeated

I know next to you is not where I belong

And it's a little late for explanations

There isn't anything that you can do

And my eyes hurt, hands shiver

So you will listen when I say

Baby...

I don't want to stay another minute

I don't want you to say a single word

Hush hush, hush hush

There is no other way

I get the final say

Because...

I don't want to do this any longer

I don't want you, there's nothing left to say

Hush hush, hush hush

I've already spoken

Our love is broken

Baby, hush hush

First I was afraid, I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side

But I've spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong

But I grew strong, I learned how to carry on

Oh...

Hush hush, hush hush

I've already spoken

Our love is broken, baby

Oh no, not I

I will survive

As long as I know how to love

I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give

And I will survive

I will survive

Hey hey...

Hush hush, hush hush

There is no other way

I get the final say

I don't want to do this any longer

I don't want you, there's nothing left to say

Hush hush, hush hush

I've already spoken

Our love is broken

Baby, hush hush

---

Game over. It ended just like that. Like ouch ouch OUCH! Perhaps I have to face the fact that people are influenced and change under certain circumstances, depending on individual integrity. Sometimes drastically. Everything came so fast that you would think all the seemingly unforgettable memories of yesterday were just a sweet dream. When an impression is somehow implanted in someone's words and eventually mind to avoid feeling guilty, all your tremendous effort and good intentions can be considered eggs thrown against the wall. But there's something called conscience. Each of us knows best what we have done right and wrong. Even though the wrong impression might succeed in replacing the right one as a common self-defense mechanism, the consequences, or should I say the results, will be faced by ourselves sooner or later. There's nothing else I can do to help when the person keeps letting those who care down. Me never mind, but those who gave birth to him and raised him up... Oh well, I'm obviously in no position to judge.

I'm the type of girl whose mood is easily affected by words. One moment I feel understood and relieved. The next moment I can feel fucking sore - that's the bitch I wanna avoid. Where's the optimistic and strong Hailey? Please come out, I need you the most now. Thankfully, he gave me the final hitch to decisively make up my mind. Though there's still this salty fluid filling up my eyes whenever memories strike, I've promised myself to divert my thoughts and keep it from rolling down. A good tip to achieve this is to apply mascara and eyeliner before going out - nobody would want them to smear, causing panda eyes and Cinderella face, right?

Come on, look at the bright side. Because of him, I've got the courage to get my hair cut and still find it nice (makes me look younger somehow). Because of him, I started wearing shorts and tank tops out. Because of him, I've learned how to make omu-rice. Because of him, my knowledge about bars, liquors and quite a number of other stuff has improved. Because of him, I've learned to be more patient, forgiving and to take others' points of view into account during an argument. Because of him, I've realized that my gut feeling is freaking honest and reliable. Because of him, I'll be more cautious and less spontaneous before entering a relationship - chemistry is essential but not everything. Because of him, I know how to love and respect myself more. Blah.

Failed relationships are just part of the growing up process. And growing up process is always painful to start with. So don't worry, my friends. Everything will be okay in the end; if it's not okay, it's not the end.

Thanks Kenji & Kenneth & his girlfriend whom I've never met before. I was so touched when you offered to come down early in the morning just to keep me accompanied. But I managed to handle it well. Hang out again soon, yeah? Keep me preoccupied!

Thanks Willow. You've never failed to be there for me since we first knew each other.

Thanks his mom. You've treated me well all the whiles though I haven't done anything much. Furthermore, the last conversation with you showed how caring and sensitive you actually are as a mother, the trait that I'd appreciate a whole lot. But I'm really sorry. Though sharing the very similar sentiments with you, I can't bear to go any further. The only unconditional love is from the mother to her child. Mine can't be compared.

Thanks Steph. Scorpios understand and look out for each other, yeah? My next boyfriend must understand more about homosexuals and be less homophobic. Lmao.

Thanks Nui bestie & my silly sister. I didn't expect such a deep sleeper to wake up when she heard me sobbing, and surprisingly cried with me. I didn't expect her to listen closely and tell my bestie every single detail. I didn't expect bestie to feel so frustrated for me that she couldn't help letting out in an outrageous manner. It's unnecessary, really. But still, through your actions I know you truly care for me, as always.

Thanks Renee sis. I'll try practicing Lin Da Lang's pink panther dance and think of his stupid face expressions to avoid feeling empty when I'm alone. And I'll definitely disturb you more.

Thanks to all my friends who motivate me to enjoy being in the market again.

Last but not least, I thank you for pushing me a little further, which was all I needed to cross the hill of our relationship and slide down. I won't forget the very best memories with you along the way, just that things unfortunately turned stale towards the end. Or perhaps as you said, I should feel happy about it? Alright, I'll try to see it that way. Everyone only has one chance to live the life, right? Let's not waste it.

And for those who told me to be strong, I'm freaking strong, man. No jokes! The last time I've had a meal was like 3-4 a.m. of the 23rd and haven't felt hungry or fainted yet. Don't scold me for being overly emo, I'm not. I still can burp now seriously. Man, this way I'll become a skinny model in no time. LOL.

For now, goodbye. I shall go eat not to worry those who care for me, alright? ♥